Today is my 52nd birthday. So, what better day I thought, than to start what some call blogging, or web blog - which is something I've wanted to look into more closely, but up until now, I didn't have the time.

I'm not at all surprised at what I've learned. I've been keeping a Diary or Journal since I was about 10 years old - more regularly, since I was about 14 or 15 years old. But now it's called keeping a blog - and it's shared on the world wide web, certainly something we never even imagined back then... wayyyyyyy back then. "grins" Oh maybe it's my age, or my generation, or something, but there are some things in my life that I would never put on the internet. Not that I have anything to hide - but gee, there is a limit! What little privacy we have now....well, why give up that real private part of ourselves?

But I love new things - and being relatively new to the internet, we got our first pc back in 1999- it's opened up a whole new part of the world for me, and well, maybe someday, sometime, someone will read this, and either laugh or feel a connection - something! Maybe this is a new modern way of leaving our mark on the world. I was here! April 13, 2003! (I have often seen this scratched on public rest room walls or doors or in a picnic table or yes - even into a tree!

Ok...so, I'm here! "grins"

For those of you who have visited our website before, you know there are alot pages - my poetry - writing - my friends' writing - art - history alot of things that I - we have enjoyed sharing. So, now I about to venture into a new phase of sharing on my fifty-second birthday - blogging! Ok...for me, Journal or Diary is alot easier.

So it's my 52nd birthday - not a spectacular day, at least not in the way of any great celebration...but it was a beautiful day. After a long, cold winter, it really felt like spring today. We sat outside a while this afternoon, my husband and I. (We celebrated our 28th anniversary April 11th - where did did the years go? But I guess I could say the same about turning 52.

The last few years have been difficult health-wise, and the start of this year, very difficult - still trying to get this resolved, to the point where I don't feel 82 instead of 52 and can regain some of my physical independence back.

But I guess, turning 52 has also had an impact on me in another way too. My Mother died at 52. She turned 52 in September and the following February, early in the month, on a frigid cold day, she passed. We spent that last time together. I'm grateful for that. For being able to be with her. To hold her hand, to see her leave this life for the next, but it's something you never get over. Even after all these years - and now as I turn 52, I realize how very young she was.

So, yes, way back in the deep parts of my heart and mind, knowing my own state of physical health, sure, I wonder - will I make it to 53? Oh, you can't worry about it, or predict it - who can - only the One Above can do that. But I think of all she gave all her life, how hard she worked, what a good Mother she was - how much I miss her and I think, oh Ma, how soon you left us! And I think, would anyone feel that way about me? Would someone still have this empty ache in their heart 27 years later? I'd like to think I have left something good behind - something that has touched the life of another enough to yes, make their heart ache 27 years from now.

Ok...so I'm getting a little too serious here perhaps? Retrospective? Who know? I know that today, when I sat outside, and felt the cool spring wind on my face, and the warmth of the sun, watched my friends, the red squirrels on the hemlock pine, so close to us, contently eating - listened to the mountain spring running, filled with life and power from the winter run-off - I felt very much alive and happy.

And grateful. To be where I am today. To have a good husband, my friend, my companion, who does everything he can, to make my life easier, to know that we have beat alot of odds - our marriage lasting 28 years...despite all the challenges and changes and tests we get in life together...and there have been some tests of that in the last 5 years or so.....but we have survived...we have overcome together, many difficult challenges.

I'm so glad to have my Dad still a part of my life - 82 and in most ways, in alot better physical shape than I am - lol - but with a sharp mind, and a good heart, and who I am still learning so much from! Our son, Michael. Our dogs, Ted and Bud - many good and true friends. A good place to live, peaceful, a very spiritual place, this small mountain, we call home. I'm here where I am meant to be. All the reasons for that, are not always so clear-cut but if I have learned anything in the last 27 years, it's that everything happens for a reason! We may not always know all the "why" but maybe it's meant to be that way too. Retrospective. "grins"

So, I guess I will end my "first ever blog entry."

I hope you will return and take this journey with me.