My Journal - 2007
Sunday Morning As I sit here, beginning the first Journal entry I've made in a very long time, I can hear the songs of the spring birds that are beginning to arrive in spite of the large amount of snow that is covering the ground. There is one in particular that I love to sing with - it's an easy song to whistle and he/she never seems to tire of calling back. It's been a long hard struggle the last few years. My physical health continued to worsen. There were surgeries, cancer, and lymphedema, the loss of my ability to walk any normal distance or stand for any amount of time. There were so many medical issues. For the first time ever in my life, I realized that I am not quite as independent as I once believed; that I DO NEED help from others and there is no shame in that. It's not a sign of weakness. But it hasn't been easy by any means! It seems like the response to everything these days, is to take another medication, another pill. We can't use natural herbal remedies but it's alright for us to be prescribed some of the most addictive pain medications known. Before long, I felt as if I was not myself - I was always tired, medicated, yes, it did alleviate the pain, but after my most recent hospitalization in February 2007, with viral pneumonia, I decided enough is enough! I eliminated one medication and cut down drastically on another. Of course, this was done under my doctor's supervision. It is like with the coming of spring and the renewal of life, I am awakening again. Every day I feel more alert and stronger. Our earth, to which we are connected, whether some of us realize it or not, are spinning into a new age of life as we have never known it. The drastic changes that are coming are having an impact on our bodies, emotions and spirits. I have learned some very hard lessons the past 6 years. But I have made it through those lessons and I hope I have learned from it all. I have a long way to go in learning, I believe. I remembered a quote today, "We are spiritual beings having a human experience." How true! During this time period, there were also many passings. My only brother and sibling, Tom Greyhawk Sawyers passed away quite suddenly in 2004. I wanted to honor him on these pages but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do that until now. I want to also share a personal experience with you the year my brother crossed over. I lost a dear friend, Norah. We worked together for several years and became friends in spite of the differences in our ages (she was old enough to be my Mother - but we were such good friends!). I didn't even know she was ill. I was dealing with my own illness and life's challenges and it wasn't until several months after she had crossed over, I learned of her passing. We had a unique relationship and while we were close and spent many good times together, we didn't socialize much with each other's families - it just wasn't that type of relationship. I was heartbroken I did not know about her passing, because I wanted to pay my respects to her. However, in retrospect, I am happy I have good memories of the time we spent together on this earth and my last memory isn't of sadness and tears because Norah was always laughing. In spite of her own struggles and challenges in life, she was a strong New York Irish woman, having grown up in New York during the days when mostly every cop was Irish. I have also seen the end of life for my beloved fur babies. Our dog, Buddy passed over last fall. He was a Beagle and had quite a personality. A funny, faithful and gentle dog that was gun shy but would howl at the bear up the mountain behind our home and make sure neighborhood cats stayed off our land. I lost my little Frankie, my therapy pet. He was not yet 3 years old and he developed a cancerous growth in his throat that was choking off his breath. It never changes. Every time we've had to lie to rest our dogs or cats, it is so painful because the loss is that of a dear and much loved friend and companion. I know it's been a long time since I've done any writing. I still have many updates to accomplish and I have not accomplished any of those goals. Hopefully, I can do more this year. I had a couple of pc crashes - the mortal fear of most of us - and while I didn't lose as much as I could have, it was so stressful! (laughing). You computer addicts out there know what I mean. So, I had to get a new pc and I'm so grateful I could do that. I'd be lost without it. I wouldn't be able to work on my personal website, or do My Two Beads Worth - I wouldn't be able to do the digital art I love to do, using Paint Shop Pro and other software programs - lots of software - lol. I find it so fulfilling and I love to share what I do. I've taken some digital photos, but not as many as in the past. But I have so many I doubt I will ever get them all saved to cd. We have two new Poms - Tommy and Nicky. We got Tommy for Raven - he's almost solid black, but he has this beautiful thick fur of silver-grey behind his legs, on his tail and a little on his feet - oh yeah, he has some white right under his lips, which gives him the appearance of having white lips. But he's so black he's hard to see. When he was a puppy, he was so fat and totally black; you couldn't tell which end was which. (laughing). He was the only pup in the litter and so he had the benefit of all of his Mother's teats and he took full advantage of it. In fact, he wouldn't wean, and the breeder let me take him home at a little over 7 weeks, when she usually will not release the pups to their new families until they are 8 weeks old. Nicky is the opposite of Tommy and it wasn't planned that way either. He's light colored with white and tan - and his fur is silkier than Tommy's. Tommy's fur is so thick he looks like a little black bear cub. Nicky is a little more than 6 months old now and he's grown so much, it's unbelievable. My Frankie was much smaller and very mellow. Nicky is a little stinka as my Grandmother would say. Full of life - funny and very smart too and he and Tommy formed a strong bond. Tommy watches TV and has a fit when dogs or other animals are shown on the screen. He charges the TV like a lion! (grins). They all have their unique and special personalities, just like us. Well, in spite of it being cold and with a lot of snow on the ground, the sun is shining and it's going to be a pretty day. Spring is not that far off - I can't wait for spring and summer! I think a lot of us feel that way. Enjoy the day - take in the peace of the natural world and pray for peace and healing - the time is now. With love,
Evening Rain
Music is Meadowlark Sunrise by Joseph Fire Crow used from my own purchased album and provided here for your listening enjoyment. Please visit Mr. Fire Crow's official website at Official website of Joseph Fire Crow
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Last updated on March 19, 2007